Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Day50! I'm going to cry anytime soon.

i'm MTV hiphopping now. it's all Akon!
haven't blogged in a few days now.
last friday,
went to Lynette's house after school with Anthony.
played, chatted and confessed some CONFIDENTIAL stuff.
Lynette and I finished 10 Ferrero Rochers together.
awesome stuff, but i only took 5.
share share luh.
i just know she took more than me.
on saturday, went for math tuition in the morning.
then slacked and slacked.
at night, went to clarke quay to support my cousin with her flea market.
helped her in selling one item only.
but at least it was good effort.
on sunday,
i did the exact same thing.
then yesterday,
i asked Xavier something important,
i wanna learn guitar from him.
cos i know my dad will not be willing to let me learn it elsewhere.
money issues, he probably thinks i'll quit very fast.
so i turned to the one person who is a professional lor.
haven't gimme answer yet la.
today, after school,
slacked with my beloved Claira at Rivervale Plaza.
ate KFC. she wasted the money i lent her.
in the end,
i finished up her food for her. lol.
can't wait for the investiture tomorrow.
going to North Vista.
Claira and Chong Kiat are there.
so stoked. going with Darren Tay.
going to take a taxi.
got the blazer, i only need to worry about the skirt.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Day47
these few days,
i haven't been doing well.
my whole life seems to be crashing down on me.
but of course,
there were some good moments.
just to let you know.
i really really really hate people who like to throw tantrums.
like they're all that.
like people have to respect them and have to give way to them.
when i refused to let her change seats with me,
you should have seen her face.
so darn black. and very very long.
then she purposely on accident kicked my table hard.
and she still dares to say that she's a good prefect.
i can't believe people actually like her.
open up your eyes.
still say that she has back-ups from a lot of schools.
she like that can be gangster already.
cos prefect's don't send people to beat people up.
much less even do it themselves.
sigh, some people have to open up their eyes.
and then,
when i gave a person a simple instuction.
she looked damn pissed and rolled her eyes.
i mean, these kind of people have seriously bad attitude,
one of them is actually a prefect?!
i know nobody's perfect.
even i'm not perfect.
but as someone told me before,
once you step into the Prefectorial Board,
you must be ready to change for it.
give it your all without expecting anything big in return.
& that to me makes plenty of sense.
____________________________________________________________________________-
yesterday after school,
slacked with ziyang, zhilin, anthony, xintao and huixin
at the youth corner.
did abit of homework.
then suddenly, all pangseh me and anthony.
then we don't know what to do.
so we gave Lynette a call.
then after that we went to her house slack slack.
chatted abit. confessed some ugly truths.
then when it was 7+pm.
i chionged back home,
which was just 2 floors below Lynette's house. :P
then after i homed,
went to hougang mall with my family.
ate there. something like buffet,
the one near ajisen and subway.
talking about that,
i saw Mr Cheong, our beloved DM, Ms Lim and Mrs Goh
and a few other HS staff eating at Ajisen.
then Mr Cheong saw me and then smile at me lor.
then he saw my mum and smiled at her lo.
then went to cotton on for awhile.
bought nothing for myself, as usual.
then homed at 9.40
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Day43
ohwell,
today, i woke up to find that it wasn't my alarm that woke me up.
it was my sister's.
so i woke up late by 15mins.
so naturally,
i was in a huge rush.
then,
i realised that there was a huge problem with my phone.
it couldn't on.
cos it offed automatically. bummer.
then i had to use my dad's old N95.
exchanged SIM cards.
arghs.
so i couldn't listen to music while on the way to school.
bummer.
hope i can get it prepared by today.
i need it for cross country.
at least while waiting,
not running. i don't even know for sure if i'm running,
or if i'm just a reserve.
hope i'm running.
i just wanna exhaust myself quick.
watching MTV now.
all the JK hits.
meaning Japanese and Korean
although mostly is Korean.
love it so badly.
although i still kinda prefer english songs.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day42
crosscountry's in 2 days.
i'm snacking on twisties.
how wrong is that?
very. that's my answer. but i cannot stop.
old habits never die.
sometimes, i get envious of some of my acquaintences.
like,
how i wish i could have friends
like Xavier, Mingkang, Zhilin, Jiajie and Ziyang etc. etc.
they're so close-knit.
almost like siblings.
something worth to be jealous of.
then there are the couples.
everytime i look at them,
i just get sad. disappointed. envious.
i just hope that all will be fine.
i always have been looking forward to secondary school life.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day41
arghs.
the last day of the holidays.
how sad.
it's school tomorrow!
i sounded too excited, i'm feeling anything but excited.
i feel like going on a mad shopping spree now.
or a spontaneous vacation to some other city,
just like Jim Carrey in Yes Man, for those who have watched it before.
but I don't have any money.
so I'm browsing through my really really vast collection of magazines.
not just any other magazines, but fashion magazines.
to keep myself from going mad.
crosscountry's in 3 more days.
I'm going to die so badly, i swear i will.
not literally, of course.
but I'm doomed.
i think i have an issue with how much money i spend
on thigs which are actually worth it.
i spend too much on worthless stuff like magazines.
i need more clothes.
i'm desperate.
arghs.arghs.arghs.
i'm dreading school tomorrow.
but on the bright side, we start our duties tomorrow.
my mentor is isabelle.
i know the face.
i just don't know the person herself.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Day40
hmmm. some real life scenarios:
1) "What are you doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?"
2) " I Know Someone Who Likes You"....."OMG who?"..... "I Cant Tell You" ¬.¬
3) " i've lost my phone, OMG I'VE LOST MY PHONE" oh no it's here :D
4) " OMG YOU BROKE IT". . . No it was already like that
5) "Are you in a mood with me ?" 'No!' "Ok" - You blatently are
6) "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm just tired." The perfect excuse.
7) "Attention class, time to turn in your homework." ... "We had homework?!"
8) "Back in the day we didnt have internet..." well thats just too bad for you
9) "BRB"... IM NOT REALLY GOING ANYWHERE, BUT NEITHER IS THIS CONVERSATION.
10) "Can I Borrow a Pen?" "Sure." and then you never see that pen again...

I love spamming my page with the random facebook fan pages the I join.
so convenient.
and i actually can relate to them.
so tired.
everytime the holidays are about to end,
i'll just feel like staying at home and taking a long nap.
like hibernation?
hmmm.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Day39
to avoid this from sounding anything like a suicide note.
i shall warn you,
this is seriously not one.
i'm just not in the mood.
ohkay,
right now,
i've officially decided that i should be done with living my life
just for the sake of pleasing other people.
i should be living for myself.
i'm done with that.
i'm just purely vexed.
extremely vexed.
all that i'm after is a life full of laughter.
(ohkay, i took that out of Life After You - Daughtry)
i sincerely want that.
but looks like the people around me doesn't want me to.
i just wanna lead a carefree life.
making as little mistakes as possible.
why can't everyone see how much effort i'm putting in trying to impress them.
yet, they're still greatly unimpressed.
everyone makes mistakes,
and i'm no exception.
i'am trying to improve myself, i'm trying bloody hard already.
but it just seems that people are expecting more and more.
i'm sick and tired of putting on an act.
but even if i do stop this act,
even for a little while,
no one will ever appreciate me for who i really am.
they'll only accept me for who i'm trying to be
just to fit what they want and need.
i just need some rest from this badly.
my greatest fear is loneliness.
not everyone knows that before this,
only the person who interviewed me during the Pref Interview does.
but now you know.
&that's the only reason why i'm really
trying to talk and socialise with other people,
why i actually put on an act.
& right now,
i'm hurt, ohkay.
and the pain i'm currently feeling is being inflicted onto my upper arm.
someone got it right at the first guess about what's on my arms
that i keep picking at.
only he saw through me.
& i don't even know him well enough to be his best friend, or vice versa.
but he knew.
i just wouldn't admit it,
and went around saying that i just had a bad rash.
it's amazing how i blog about this
and manage to keep my cool,
when deep down,
i know i can't. i know that i'll probably break down and cry when i get back into my room.
i cannot take it any longer.
i'm trying to make the best out of what i'm given.
but i'm not given much to begin with.
for all my life, i've wanted people to accept me for who i really am.
not who i pretend to be.
but i know they won't and can't.
so i figure i'll just have to continue "acting".
but , i know that the curtains will finally close and that i'll have to take a bow sometime.
(ohkay, that was a rihanna song)
i'm still feeling vexed anyway.
and maybe after this post,
people will think about how i'm such a huge freak.
but i don't care. maybe this is who i really am.
Day39
arghs.
i'm feeling like crap again.
turns out my sister
logged in and put all the vid up/
not my problem.
so i sincerely apologise.
on behalf of my sister.
looks like i should change my password again.
or delete this whole thing.
maintaining it is so difficult.
can't wait for tomorrow.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day38
experiencing eternal boredom now.
i loved sakura so badly.
i wish i could go there everyday.
but i would get ultra fat.
so we're making it every school holiday.
saw wynne and gang celebrating her bday at eHub.
Happy Birthday Wynne, Shihui, Kethleen and Gabriel!
basically to all the march babies.
in case I don't get to blog about this or anything.
can't wait to get back to school.
then again,
i haven't completed my reflections on the PB camp,
have to chiong all homework by tomorrow.
then can enjoy the weekend before school.
then maybe will be able to go out on saturday with shihui &gang.
to celebrate her birthday.
but i pok liao. don't know how to get a gift.
arghs.
Day38
these are all the pictures of the camp.
shall upload the videos when i have the time.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Day36
ohgosh!
i loved the camp!
we're still on probation though.
anyways,
on the first day,
i came superr early cos I followed fikri.
he had ncc camp.
then, we reported and we thought of a group cheer & group name.
i was in Xavier's group.
we call ourselves the ShakerFries.
quite McDonald related.
our cheer was preetty simple.
then, we played some games
like blow wind blow, which i superrr loved.
and charades, and ouch!
they were awesome. i've never felt this much fun in days. or months.
then we washed up,
and we were supposed to play with Water Bombs,
but we had to cancel it.
cos of the lightning alert
so instead,
we played "kidnap", where we had to guess the numbers on the balloon and stuff.
after that, we went up to the hall to celebrate Anthony and Belin's birthdays.
they had this huge cake.
it really was huge.
it writes HSPB over it.
it was an awesome time.
then, we had dinner.
afterwhich,
we did the most awesome-ish kinda scary-ish thing ever.
we did... the nightwalk.
our seniors scared the heck out of me.
they told us many ghost stories, some of which are true.
and i was damn scared.
i was trying to look like the opposite.
during the nightwalk,
my partner was Jiajie.
he kept telling me to chill and not to be afraid.
i have to thank him for that someday.
even though i a bit not happy lah.
he keep saying that i was scared,
during the sharing session, he said the same thing.
but i really was anyway.
then moving on to lights out,
i got only 1-2 hours of sleep.
moving on to day2,
we woke up at 6am.
then apparently,
although i was early by that 1 minute,
mingkang didn't see. none of the dep heads saw.
and they assumed all the girls were late.
unfortunately for me, amantha and grace.
the boys did our punishment by pumping.
then we had PT.
ran and ran.
i loved it, but we had to cheer along with the running.
still damn shiok.
then, we had breakfast after we changed.
after breakfast,
we went to the field for water-bombing.
had an awesome time getting wet,
it was raining too, so double the fun!
after that, we did area-clean up and reflection stuffs.
then : Lunchtime!
packeted from McDonalds back to school.
i was sooooo freaking hungry.
so that felt goood.
then we stayed to chat and play in the voice box.
then, when all our seniors came in,
some of us went home, but i stayed.
i tried to rest,
but unfortuantely for me,
my seniors were playing and playing.
so i joined in a bit.
then something embarrassing happened.
which i wouldn't elaborate on.
then, we went to the Prefect's Room cos we
thought that it would need cleaning when some people gonna go in.
but apparently, it didn't need much cleaning.
we stayed there for 5mins,
before playing in the voice box again.
then homed at about 4.40pm
that's it then.
i only uploaded the pictures onto facebook.
lazy to upload here.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Day34
i really love my school.
both primary and secondary.
they really rock.
right now,
i'm bored to the max.
so i'm listening to songs and blogging,
and facebooking and tweeting.
so tired now.
thank God camp is tomorrow.
at least i have something to look forward to.
then i have tuition later.
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
i didn't even know if i got the second part right.
who cares?
didn't go for a jog this week.
i'm gonna get fat soon.
and the xcountry's in less than 2 weeks.
i'm soooooo dead meat.
i have this premonition that i'll faint after i run.
but that wouldn't be unusual.
i always feel like fainting,
it's just that i haven't done so before.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Day33
hhmmmmm,
so the dictionary definition of biased is this:
showing an unreasonable like or dislike for a person based on personal opinions.
so he dislikes me for his own personal opinions.
whattheheck?!
what about me could detest him so badly?
damn it.
i don't wanna think about it too much.
i know i still can't forget him,
but i'm not gonna think too much about this.
i'll just make the best out of what i have now.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Day32
i'm not exactly in the mood to write in my diary.
so here i landed up,
typing on the virtual one.
can't wait for the bonding camp.
can't wait for the bonding camp.
can't wait for the bonding camp.
can't wait for the bonding camp.
that's what i've been telling myself non-stop these few days.
i hope i really mean it.
i don't wanna see him,
then lose my mind.
'cos i don't think my brain will function well enough
to actually think of something to say.
hope i won't be stoned.
bonding camp sounds like great fun!
that's another thing i've been telling myself.
ohwell,
it's best to be optimistic.
i don't really like to speak about my troubles to my family.
not that i don't trust them or anything.
it's just that i don't think that they can relate to anything much.
so i just pour my feelings our here lo.
i'm just moody recently.
maybe it's the monthly mood swings.
i just realised that i have to pack for the bonding camp tomorrow.
i delayed my packing for too long.
arghs.
homework.
&they're all math.
so that sucks big time.
as that definitely the subject that is not my favourite.
got back my results 2 days ago.
it was a huge improvement,
but according to my deputyhead,
sec1s and 2s have it easier.
when it comes to sec3,
hell arises.
not that exaggerating, i think.
i'm so damn sleepy,
but i can't sleep when i'm thinking of him,
so i think i'll just tire myself to sleep.
sometimes,
when people ask me why i like him,
i ask myself the same thing in return.
but i just reply that i went for his personality,
even though i'm not really sure.
hmm, we'll just have to see on monday.
i chose to stay overnight.
even though i hate how schools look when it's at night.
creepy, but there has to be a time when i face up to my fears.
although it sounds really childish.
Day32
short day today,
but i'm still extremely tired.
so stoked for the camp!
but i haven't started packing yet.
we did our presentation today,
we had to present 7 times,
to all classes excluding ours.
and then to MrNg and MrChin.
tired. thirsty.
after that,
followed Jonathan and Fikri
to Hougang Point for lunch.
Jon made sick jokes.
really. but we laughed like crazy.
hmmm,
the sec2s are coming back today.
thinking hard now.
eesh!
I can sense Lambert's presence here.
i got the delux album edition of For Your Entertainment.
so,
i can go to bugis tomorrow!
if my parents give the thumbs up, that is.
i'm praying hard.
then all will be good.
maybe going with Cassandra after her dance.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Day31
had soooo much fun today!
in the morning,
we did our servicelearning stuffs at computer lab3.
i cleaned and cleaned.
the boys weren't cooperating much,
but they showed slight improvement from yesterday.
then,
in the afternoon, we had our fun and games
with the sec3 hlc facilitators leading us.
for my class,
we had Waisin and Shangge!
they were and awesome bunch.
the facilitators were so enthusiastic.
but the classes,
ohwell, some weren't.
1E2 lo, the boys weren't cheering.
then you could see Kennedy's face when they didn't cheer for him,
he looked like he just got rejected.
all of us LOLed.
then we played the Boomz and Shingz game.
where we got fourth.
missed by a second. sad case.
then we played the evolution game.
the characters were: egg, bird, gorilla and angel.
after all the playing,
i ended up being an egg again.
i almost made it to the angel stage.
my whole class laughed at me.
traumatic.
then, the fun and games lasted only for 3.5 hours.
then,
we had to set up the stuff for our SL presentation.
had to grab tables from the sec2 classes.
off I ran to 2E4.
for some reason which I can't say.
after that, I got back my results slip.
quite happy about it,
mostly A1s and A2s.
except for art, B3 for that. 2 more marks then could have gotten A2.
then at night,
we had the parent-teacher meet.
where there were long talks.
i practically slept my way through.
then finally,
my parents could interact with the teachers.
they said they heard only the good things.
which was kinda true.
have to sleep now!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day30
my legs are soooo tired, walked back to primary school
from hougangsec. then walked back home.
i desperately need the excercise,
i've been eating fast food for the past 3 days, including today.
it's still kinda saddening to know that i'm still on probation.
still so bloody stressed out by ______.
sometimes, i can't even look at him.
why?
who knows, i've asked myself the same question many times.
i still love him.
sometimes, to stop that feeling,
i'll tell myself that he ain't hot, ain't that smart.
but apparently, it ain't working as well.
my first ever heartbreak.
the sec2s are going for camp @JurongBirdPark tomorrow.
gonna NOT see him for 2 days.
maybe it is a good thing.
maybe it'll ease my pain.
but i confirm will see him at Prefect Bonding Camp.
which is next week!
i'm so stoked!
apparently, there's gonna be water games.
stoked!!!
can't stop thinking of him.
i'm gonna be crazy soon.
this calls for a trip to the counsellor, maybe?
not even my first time to a counsellor's office.
but, i'm not crazy la.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Day29
finally got more details about the xcountry.
turns out,
it's on the 24th of this month.
i haven't even trained well yet.
sad case.
looks like i'll have to request to my mum to go to Bedok Reservoir to take a look.
yikes,
the prefect bonding camp is next week.
according to Jeannie,
it's possible to see ghosts.
i hope not, really.
ohwell, i can choose not to stay over,.
but staying over seems like more fun anyway.
Monday, March 8, 2010
right now,
i'm just surfing some sites,
some fashion webbies.
there's seriously nothing to do.
there's still my math homework left, but i'm to lazy to complete it.
i think i'll do it later.
unbelievably,
i made it into the Hougang Secondary Prefectorial Board.
i'm so shocked even up till now.
ohwell, if i didn't make it,
mingkang would be soooo dead cos he interviewed me.
just joking.
today was rather boring.
or maybe to others it would be fun
cos we had SL workshop today.
games the whole day.
BORING games.
ohwell, people take it from a different perspective.
&it's gonna go on for this whole week.
can't wait for camp.
or at least i think i'll have camp.
i had to give up the monitor post,
but being a prefect is loads better, i guess.
cos SOME people in the class just won't cooperate.
so next step, hlc.
if i'm lucky enough.
congrats to all those who made it!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
the following message is to all the RVPS alumni:
the P5 camp registration form will be posted onto the school's website
by 12Mar.
For those who are interested,
please print out the form, complete it, attach your passport size photo on it.
then, pass it to the school personally by handing it to the security guards at the gate.
or mail it to the school.
address the form to: Mr Fairus/P5 camp
Saturday, March 6, 2010
whoa.
i'm such a loner.
currently, i feel like i have a hole in my heart.
and it's going to take long for it to recover.
*sighs*
never felt this lonely before.
i have felt lonely before,
but it wasn't something like this.
now,
i just feel like crying silently to myself,
but i can't,
mahjong session happening at my house now.
have to entertain, right?
well, on the bright side....
okayy, there's nothing.
except the fact that i bought a new school bag.
which probably looks as if it's gonna break at any moment.
my flaw: low self esteem.
don't know when i'll recover from it.
Friday, March 5, 2010
had the prefect interview today,
mingkang interviewed me,
i felt like i was going to burst out laughing,
but i knew i shouldn't.
after i said and extremely long sentence,
he'll go : "So in short..."
& i'll be like, yea.
stressed out.
i hope i do make it to the prefectorial board.
i have the feeling that it's gonng abe loads better than the monitors' council.
better be.
have to check the notice board next week then.
praying hard, crossing fingers.
these past few days,
i felt so alone, lonelier than i've ever felt in welll.... EVER.
maybe i'm just thinking too much,
maybe not.,
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
ohwell,
such an unlucky day for me,
stupid wretched day.
i wasn't nominated to get into PB.
that, itself was bad enough to take in.
&then some people go around trying to act modest,
and I just felt more screwed up.
eek.
then i had this sian face throughout the day,
with the exception of after school.
can't wait for next week,
service learning all the wayyy.
which means, no lessons!
thank God, i was getting sick and tired of lessons.
and then comes the holidays,
maybe i'll go out with some friends then.
who knows? it isn't even confirmed yet
due to all our schedules.
oh, at least someone comforted me by telling me that there was always hlc left.
and next year to try out for PB again.
but that means that I'll have to wait,
which is something that is pretty manageable.
or at least I hope so.
dammit, i just don't feel so happy anymore.
i think i'm just gonna pack my bags,
then sleep.